Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
