You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
