hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
