Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
