uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
