when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
