guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
