then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
