I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
