TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
