redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
