Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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