I must be too annoying 4 u.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sober January is a disaster.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
