Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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