need another drink. this is the easiest way
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
