Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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