Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
