well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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