My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
