Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
