Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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