I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
