Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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