last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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