and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
