I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
