Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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