are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
