I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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