Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
