I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
