Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
