i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
