The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
