I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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