Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hippo gnu deer
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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