she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
