I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
