what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
