Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
