She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
