Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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