sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
