i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
