did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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