Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
