it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You ruined the universe
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
