I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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