one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
