Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
