You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
only if we run a train.
done.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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