do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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