sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
