why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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