thus making me awesome and them whores
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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