Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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