It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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