I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
