Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
