i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
