she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
