saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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