My hair reeks of homosexuality.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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