she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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