4 words: hood of his car
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
