Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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