she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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