I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
