This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
