He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
