I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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