she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
