Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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